Ute Winner Madness

The day of the final has arrived. Anticipation looms in the air, and in the middle of it all, stands our four-wheeled finalist, the ute. 

As the announcement blares through the speakers, a wave of shock and disbelief crashes over me. The ute… the ute has won, decked out with one of Melbourne’s best 4×4 aluminium canopies. A hunk of metal has won a talent show designed for human beings. The crowd goes berserk, their cheers deafening. They’re jubilant. Happy.

But me? I’m not. This is madness, sheer madness! It’s political correctness gone mad. It’s the erasure of fair competition. It’s not like the ute has done anything of its own accord, has it? It’s the people using it, the people applying the best installation for ute trays near Melbourne that’s been the ‘talent’. The ute is just… there.

This has turned into a circus, a farce! An aluminium ute outperforms humans in a talent show, and everyone is okay with it? I find myself seething, rage bubbling within me. This isn’t just about a competition anymore. It’s about principle, about preserving the essence of human achievement.

“You’re just threatened by something different,” they say. “It’s not harming anyone.” “It’s just a bit of fun.” Fun? This is not fun. This is a mockery of all the contestants who’ve worked so hard.

But oh, dare I speak out? Dare I point out the absurdity of this situation? No, because the moment I do, I’m ‘problematic’. I’m ‘out of touch’. I’m ‘cancelled’. Because that’s the world we live in now, isn’t it? A world where free speech is trampled upon if it doesn’t fit the ‘woke’ narrative.

I hear the producers whispering, their eyes darting towards me. They think I’m overreacting, they think I’ve lost it. Well, let me tell you, I’ve not lost anything. If anything, I’m the only one who hasn’t lost their mind here!

And just like that, the hammer falls. “You’re fired,” they say. Fired! For speaking the truth. For defending the spirit of fair competition. But I won’t stop speaking the truth. This is just the beginning of a fight for fairness. Until then, enjoy your aluminium champion, folks. Enjoy the farce. Because I’m out!

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